by Lauren Voinovich

Mmk. This week on Real Talk, we’re reviewing La Croix. If you’ve been living under a rock for your entire life and don’t know what I’m talking about, let me explain. The best way I can describe it is straight up carbonated water with like two drops of whatever fruit juice they use for each flavor. There are apparently 21 flavors of this stuff, ranging from Key Lime to Coconut to Passionfruit. The biggest thing they boast? That there’s 0 calories, 0 sodium, and 0 sweeteners in every one. 

My question: does that mean the flavor is a 0 as well?

To give La Croix a fair shot, I searched the web to find a general consensus on what the top three La Croix flavors were. The results? Coconut (*shudder*), Pamplemousse, and Lime/Key Lime (they seem to taste generally the same, so I just got Lime). 

Onto the judgement! 

Coconut:

Okay, so maybe this wasn’t the best choice. Fun fact about me: I hate coconut. The smell makes me want to throw up (except for Piña Coladas, but the coconut is masked by the pineapple and sugar, so I’m good). Anyway, let’s just say, I tasted coconut. It was basically water plus a few coconut shavings. So bleh for me, but if you somehow like the disgusting taste of coconut, this may be for you. 

Oh! Also, I detected a metallic aftertaste that was not very enjoyable, so that’s also something to keep in mind.

On to the next!

Pamplemousse:

Okay, for all you non–French speakers, pamplemousse translates to grapefruit. Honestly, I was also a bit nervous going into this one, because grapefruit is pretty bitter and I was not looking forward to drinking bitterness right after coconut and metal. Fortunately, it didn’t taste like grapefruit at all, which I guess means that the flavor is wack on this one, but whatever. It’s definitely not sweet, and the fruit flavor is really undetectable, but I will say that it was surprisingly refreshing. 

So, if you’re looking for something bubbly, non-alcoholic, and has a mystery flavor that will make you feel refreshed, get Pamplemousse! 

Mmk, last one…

Lime/Key Lime:

This is the one I was most excited for because it was finally a normal flavor: lime! It was actually pretty similar to getting carbonated water with a lime. It wasn’t super weird like the other ones, was marginally refreshing, and I appreciated that I wasn’t getting an aggressive aftertaste. This one was solid. 

That’s pretty much all I have to say…

TL;DR: Coconut is strange and metallic, but I’m super biased because I hate coconut, so there. Live with it. Pamplemousse seemed like it’d be disgusting, but it was actually really good and didn’t taste like grapefruit at all. Lime was lime. 

Overall, they weren’t as terrible as I’d hoped, but such is life. Coconut is straight trash though. Just throw it away. 

Anyway! Would I say that if I saw La Croix at a grocery store, I’d be like “Yes! Done. In the cart.”? Absofruitly not. But, if it’s either that or regular water…nope. I’d still pick the water. 

Okay well, clearly I’m not a fan, so I’m gonna say waste of time/money/energy.

Posted by:hbinretrospect

Reporting not for school, but for life.

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