Eleina Salgia

Disclaimer: Everyone is fine, no one is hurt. Everyone at HB is safe. 

On the eve of October 23rd, a tragic, horrifying event occurred: a murder transpired, and a prominent member of the HB community was lost forever. I have spoken with the victim’s father-figure, and he wishes not to start a formal investigation, claiming it to be an unfortunate accident. However, I will not allow this injustice to continue any longer. At approximately 4:30pm, Mr. Z’s pumpkin was murdered, only minutes after he left the room, and I will not rest until we find the killer. 

After interviewing Mr. Z and several other students, I have obtained a great deal of knowledge regarding this case. Originally, Pumpkin was bought by our one Tyler Zeleny last week at Giant Eagle for the price of only $4.00. He had purchased two for the intent of placing them in the upper school varsity art room, a room that remains unlocked because it is considered a “mature and trusted space” in which upperclassmen often work in. No students were made aware of the purchase of Pumpkin previous to his arrival. The security cameras conveniently did not pick up any trace of the culprit, nor did any teacher notice any suspicious activity. Mr. Z insists that he can’t possibly begin to speculate what grade level the culprit is in, but he is “fairly confident it is not a freshman because they are seldom in that room.” He then went on to say that he believes it is an upperclassman, because they are most often in his room. This is just one case where his story contains discrepancies. 

Mr. Tyler Zeleny has been working at Hathaway Brown for four years as the Upper School Visual Arts and Digital Media and Yearbook Advisor and has never witnessed any acts of deliberate vandalism. He reports that he had left that day sometime between 15:30 and 16:00 to returned home and claims to not recall who was present in his room when he left. The morning after the murder, Mr. Z had been sitting with his mentor group. They were playing Bananagrams when Mr. Z ultimately won to Rachael Zhan, leaving him in a “cocky attitude,” states one of his mentees. Mr. Z then reported that he noticed Pumpkin was slightly misplaced, but when he went to return it to its original position, his life was forever changed. There lay Pumpkin, a long gash in his torso. I only wish it ended there. When Mr. Z looked closer, he discovered that the murderer had wrapped clear tape around Pumpkin’s body in an attempt to keep it together. He then, at exactly 9:02 am, sent out an email requesting that the culprit let “someone know if an accident like this occurs.” He stated that he would not be angered, which in itself is an odd statement. One would think that Mr. Z would have an attachment to his most prized possession. He then writes that he will just buy another pumpkin, however, previous to this statement, he expressed deep emotion towards Pumpkin. He labelled Pumpkin as the “greatest, most beautiful” of them all, and described it’s “great stem and color,” concluding that it was a “quality pumpkin.” Now I am not here to accuse Mr. Z as the murderer, I am only searching for the truth. 

As members of the Hathaway Brown community, I call to you for help. By now, it is likely that all of you have been informed of Pumpkin’s death. I have witnessed a range of emotions, as to be expected. However, no reaction was more disturbing than that of Mr. Z’s mentees. Rachael Zhan described the appalling event as “hilarious,” and many others had the same response. 

Unlike the cruel mentees of Mr. Z who simply laughed at the murder of Pumpkin, I will not sit idly by and allow his death to be laughed at. We must stand together and demand for justice. Rest assured, the murderer of Pumpkin Zeleny will be caught. 

Update: The killer has been found; they will remain anonymous. I still think it is Mr. Z though, and you should too.