Article on Airpods, Written by the Poor
By Claudia Binder and Jazmine Halawa
Do you have Airpods? If not, YOU ARE BROKE! Its okay though, you are not the only one. We are with you, and beside you in this troubled time. There are already a lot of struggles in this society to be cool, and now we have to walk around with no wires in sight. We will now tell you about what is happening in this society, and how to get through it.
Airpods have taken over the world. There are memes all over the internet and if you are seen with wired headphones, you will be bullied. Everyone knows that Airpod owners think they are better than everyone around them. They have proceeded to bully the normal ones and never leave us alone. To help you get through this troubled time, let us give you some wise advice. One, never go out in public with wires. Two, if caught, say that they are broke for not having the wire. Three, if desperate, cut the wires off of your headphones and pretend you are cool. Now, do not be scared to stand up to the Airpod owners, and show them who the boss really is.
Chances are if you’ve heard about Airpods, then you know about the other half of their package… their anti-lost cords. The whole concept of these cords doesn’t cease to confuse me. Let’s get this straight, Apple Airpods cost $159 and purchasing these cords adds $10 to your cart. The advertisements for these cords vouch to help you not lose your precious Airpods. In my opinion I think that the classic earpods (which are permanently attached to their “anti-lost cords”) are the best deal, coming in at $29. Another perk to the original earbuds is the safety of your phone. Say you are taking a walk in your neighborhood on a muddy sunday afternoon with Airpods in. Suddenly, a garbage bag rattling nearby startles you. Your phone drops out of your hand and into the mud. Too bad you didn’t have cords in your ears to save your phone from the mud.
Let me give you some advice: not buying Airpods is saving you from the future disappointment of dropping your phone in the mud. You heard it here first.
Here are some of our favorite memes regarding Airpods, making fun of both the users and of the poor: