Breath-A-Lyzing: Are you ready?
by: Natalie Thornton
Each time homecoming is mentioned, the thought of being Breath-A-Lyzed often comes to mind before the exciting thoughts of who you’ll bring or what you’ll wear. What if I don’t pass it? Even worse, what if my date doesn’t pass it? Does mouthwash show up? What about mints? Or mint gum? What if I run out of breath? In theory, could I drink just a little? (Answer: No, obviously not.)
These questions pass through all of our minds. There is no feeling like walking up to the doors of the athletic entrance with your heart beating faster than ever before, while meeting eyes with a class dean (who is probably also your teacher). The worst potential scenarios swirl through your mind and possible excuses play over and over in your head in order to prepare yourself for the unpredictable.
To answer the questions above, if you think something might be a problem, avoid it. On the other hand, if you end up with a Breath-A-Lyzer false positive, here are a few funny excuses ready to go. To help get you thinking, I’ve come up with a few of my own:
- I think there must be something wrong with that machine… Can I try that one?
- At dinner, I ate some steak cooked in a wine sauce. Maybe that’s the problem?
- Does soy sauce contain alcohol? I just had sushi for dinner.
- I accidently swallowed some of my mouthwash after dinner.
- Hold on, I forgot to spit out my gum, sorry.
- Oh, I totally forgot, I went to church this morning.
The question that everyone wants answered is, “How effective is Breath-A-Lyzing at actually preventing students from coming to the dance while under the influence?” I would say that yes, Breath-A-Lyzing does prevent students from entering the dance while they’re intoxicated… But in reality, Breath-A-Lyzing is only encouraging other “risky behaviors” among the students. So how effective is it really?