A West Sider’s Guide to the East Side

By Cassandra Lis and Cate Engles

  1.       Avoid traffic circles at all costs. They are deadly and will destroy you!
  2.       There is a lot of parallel parking here, so you kinda need to know how to do that.
  3.       People drive super fancy cars everywhere, so avoid hitting them, as they will probably get a little mad.
  4.       Nobody knows how to park here, and will mostly take up 2-3 spaces to park their BMW, so be prepared for this, and try your best to not get furious.
  5.       Nobody understands that it takes approximately forever to get to HB and that traffic is actually the worst in the morning.
  6.     Reroute to avoid that one light that takes forever (the one between Warrensville and Southpark).
  7.     Pretend that you are part of local traffic to get through street closings.
  8.     Snow days are amazing, as long as school is called off early (preferably before you get on the road to drive).
  9.       Pretend that you have been to restaurants that you actually haven’t, or else you will get reactions of shock and anger from the East Siders.
  10.       Pretend you have been to: Barrio, Stone Oven, Yours Truly, and Luna
  11.      Pretend to know where cities are located. EX: Solon, Pepper Pike, Chagrin Falls, Orange, Shaker, Cleveland Heights, and Twinsburg (I have no idea where any of these places are located in relation to one another).
  12.       Everything on the East side is located within a convenient 5 minute drive/walk, which is very nice and good to note.
  13.       Another positive, everyone on the East side appears to own dog(s)!! This is beautiful and a 10/10 positive.
  14.     Don’t expect any of your friends to drive to the west side to be with you. You go to them.
  15.     Organizing anything with friends is always a struggle when you live on the west side and everyone else lives on the east side. Plans will often change.
  16.     There are many more things to do on the east side, and that is probably why your friends won’t come to the east side (not because they don’t love you).