A West Sider’s Guide to the East Side
By Cassandra Lis and Cate Engles
- Avoid traffic circles at all costs. They are deadly and will destroy you!
- There is a lot of parallel parking here, so you kinda need to know how to do that.
- People drive super fancy cars everywhere, so avoid hitting them, as they will probably get a little mad.
- Nobody knows how to park here, and will mostly take up 2-3 spaces to park their BMW, so be prepared for this, and try your best to not get furious.
- Nobody understands that it takes approximately forever to get to HB and that traffic is actually the worst in the morning.
- Reroute to avoid that one light that takes forever (the one between Warrensville and Southpark).
- Pretend that you are part of local traffic to get through street closings.
- Snow days are amazing, as long as school is called off early (preferably before you get on the road to drive).
- Pretend that you have been to restaurants that you actually haven’t, or else you will get reactions of shock and anger from the East Siders.
- Pretend you have been to: Barrio, Stone Oven, Yours Truly, and Luna
- Pretend to know where cities are located. EX: Solon, Pepper Pike, Chagrin Falls, Orange, Shaker, Cleveland Heights, and Twinsburg (I have no idea where any of these places are located in relation to one another).
- Everything on the East side is located within a convenient 5 minute drive/walk, which is very nice and good to note.
- Another positive, everyone on the East side appears to own dog(s)!! This is beautiful and a 10/10 positive.
- Don’t expect any of your friends to drive to the west side to be with you. You go to them.
- Organizing anything with friends is always a struggle when you live on the west side and everyone else lives on the east side. Plans will often change.
- There are many more things to do on the east side, and that is probably why your friends won’t come to the east side (not because they don’t love you).