By Stephanie Kaiser

1.“Did you read about Starbucks? No more ‘Merry Christmas’ at Starbucks. No more. Maybe we should boycott Starbucks.”

Is Mr. Trump seriously recommending that we boycott the world’s largest coffee chain simply because they stopped advertising exclusively to one group of people? If anything, Starbucks is only extending its hand (and coffee) to even more people, which is a smart business move – something Trump claims to know a lot about.

2. “I’m the most successful person to ever run for the presidency, by far”

While this isn’t necessarily offensive to any specific part of the American public, it is quite the dig at our politicians. How embarrassing it would be for him if he lost the presidency to one of the ‘less successful’ candidates.

3. “Part of the beauty of me is that I am very rich.”

Yes, because educated, strong-willed Americans are only looking for a president who has a lot of money. Unless he’s planning to go into his own pocket to pay off our national debt, no one is biting.


Donald Trump



4. “It has not been easy for me. It has not been easy for me. I started off in Brooklyn. My father gave me a small loan of a million dollars,”

It’s truly terrifying that Donald Trump advertises himself as a real rags-to-riches story. I’m sorry, but if you consider one million dollars to be rags, then you have no right to paint yourself as someone who knows real financial hardship.

5. “Sorry losers and haters, but my IQ is one of the highest—and you all know it! Please don’t feel so stupid or insecure, it’s not your fault.”

If an estimated IQ of 110 is Trump’s idea of genius, then this country might really be going down the drain. He also casually belittles the people who criticize him, proving his lack of a level-head. If this is how he reacts to people calling him out on Twitter, how will he respond to criticisms by world leaders?

6. “I think the big problem this country has is being politically correct. I’ve been challenged by so many people, and I don’t frankly have time for total political correctness. And to be honest with you, this country doesn’t have time either.”

You know, I’ve changed my mind. Donald Trump implying he will never respect a person’s identity because he simply doesn’t have the time makes me believe he would be a great president, and help our nation to progress into a more accepting time.

7. On exporting goods to China: “Listen you m—–f——, we’re going to tax you 25 percent!”

Yes. The entire country of China is the only reason that the US has ever struggled financially. And for this reason, we should only make relations between our two countries even worse.



8. “Heidi Klum. Sadly, she’s no longer a 10.”

Is it the 1950s? Are we really on the path to electing a man who only values a woman’s appearance, and otherwise wants her to shut up and sit down?

9. “It’s freezing and snowing in New York—we need global warming!”

Global. Warming. Exists. Don’t believe me? Okay, just ask the millions of animals who have lost their homes because of rising sea levels. Because I’m assuming that if someone is living in such a fantasy world that they don’t believe in global warming, they’d definitely be able to communicate with animals.

10. “The second-greatest day of a man’s life is the day he buys a yacht, but the greatest day of a man’s life is the day he sells it.”

Maybe in the style of Herbert Hoover, Trump’s new campaign slogan can be “A bouquet of caviar on every platter, and a yacht in every private marina.”

11. “This very expensive GLOBAL WARMING bulls— has got to stop. Our planet is freezing, record low temps, and our GW scientists are stuck in ice.”

See #9. And if global warming isn’t real, what is the possible downside of helping our planet and making it a better place? Too many plants? Too fresh air?

12. “And did you notice that baby was crying through half of the speech and I didn’t get angry? Not once. Did you notice that? That baby was driving me crazy. I didn’t get angry once because I didn’t want to insult the parents for not taking the kid out of the room!”

Someone give this man an award! He could handle a baby crying, one of the main 3 actions a baby can do! It’s definitely not like millions of parents have to take care of their children crying in places. Trump is the first and the only.




13. “The concept of global warming was created by and for the Chinese in order to make U.S. manufacturing non-competitive.”

I’m never truly going to understand Trump’s personal vendetta against China. Or his vendetta against global warming. So of course, the only logical next step would to be for him to create a new vendetta against Chinese global warming.

14. “I think the only difference between me and the other candidates is that I’m more honest and my women are more beautiful.”

Oh, Trump. There you go again, degrading women and implying that he is the most ‘deserving’ of the presidency. And even if he is the most honest candidate, as he says, then it’s a detriment to his campaign as it means he is opening his mouth and talking.

15. “A nation WITHOUT BORDERS is not a nation at all. We must have a wall. The rule of law matters.”

Well, yeah. Every nation has borders. But there’s a difference between ‘the land of the free’ America, in which we actually have concern for people who need our help, and ‘look how free of diversity we are’ America, which sounds like what Trump is trying to create.

16. “I will build a great wall — and nobody builds walls better than me, believe me —and I’ll build them very inexpensively. I will build a great, great wall on our southern border, and I will make Mexico pay for that wall. Mark my words.”

Really, this is just ridiculous. I’m still not sure this isn’t a joke. Just everything he says here, preposterous. But besides the everything about it, it sounds like a great idea.

17. To a Hispanic reporter: “You haven’t been called, go back to Univision.”

Ha! He’s right! Hispanic reporters can never work for a mainstream ‘American’ news network! In the United States, we speak English. That’s the native language of everyone who has ever been American! Everyone knows that Hispanics cannot speak English!




18. “A well-educated black has a tremendous advantage over a well-educated white in terms of the job market. I think sometimes a black may think they don’t have an advantage or this and that…I’ve said on one occasion, even about myself, if I were starting off today, I would love to be a well-educated black, because I believe they do have an actual advantage.”

Oh, man. This is just classic Donald, refusing to recognize both the privilege that he has as a white, educated man, and the fact that simply being a black man in the world today comes with enough challenges to make Trump run crying. Not that he would ever put himself in their shoes, though.

19.“One of the key problems today is that politics is such a disgrace. Good people don’t go into government.”

I think this one kind of speaks for itself. I agree, Donald Running-for-president Trump, there just aren’t good people vying for the largest political position in the United States.

20. On gay marriage: “It’s like in golf. A lot of people — I don’t want this to sound trivial — but a lot of people are switching to these really long putters, very unattractive. It’s weird. You see these great players with these really long putters, because they can’t sink three-footers anymore. And, I hate it. I am a traditionalist. I have so many fabulous friends who happen to be gay, but I am a traditionalist.”

Newsflash: being gay is not like playing golf. It’s a lot more fun. But seriously, identifying as LGBTQ+ is not weird, or unattractive, or a sign of a crumbling America. It’s just love, nothing more than love. There’s already plenty of prejudice against it without it being compared to a golfer using a different kind of putter.

21. “You know, it really doesn`t matter what [the media] write as long as you`ve got a young and beautiful piece of ass.”

Women! Are! Not! Objects! They are not on this earth to be toted around as trophies used as a measure of a person’s success.




22. “I could stand in the middle of 5th Avenue and shoot somebody and I wouldn’t lose voters.”

It might be a sign that there’s something off about your supporters if they would be totally cool with you straight-up murdering someone in the middle of one of New York’s busiest street.

23. On Asians: “When these people walk in the room, they don’t say, ‘Oh, hello! How’s the weather? It’s so beautiful outside. Isn’t it lovely? How are the Yankees doing? Oh they’re doing wonderful. Great.’ [Asians] say, ‘We want deal!’”

Several problems with this. First, Trump is implying that all American businessmen are wholesome conversationalists, which is most definitely not true. Additionally, saying that Asians are only interested in business and business only, which a) follows the attitude of only viewing Asians as oriental and b) says that all oriental Asians are power-hungry monsters. Good thing we don’t have those in America.

24.“When Mexico sends its people, they’re not sending the best. They’re not sending you, they’re sending people that have lots of problems and they’re bringing those problems with us. They’re bringing drugs. They’re bringing crime. They’re rapists. … And some, I assume, are good people.”

If this is Trump’s reasoning for building a wall, then I think his best bet for keeping criminals out of his sight is to just build a really tall wall around the White House and make all of America pay for it. That way, the bad guys are kept away from Trump, and Trump is kept away from, you know, all of America.

25. “I am the least racist person there is. And I think most people that know me would tell you that. I am the least racist.”

There are about 20 quotes in this list (and a lot more elsewhere) that beg to differ, Mr. Trump.

26. “The only kind of people I want counting my money are little short guys that wear yamakas every day.”

Not all Jewish people are in banking. Not all Jewish bankers are trustworthy. Not all men, Donald. Not all men.

27. “All the women on The Apprentice flirted with me — consciously or unconsciously. That’s to be expected.”

First of all: ‘unconsciously’? If he thinks the women were flirting with him while they were passed out, then there’s clearly a much bigger problem. Second of all: a woman absolutely does not have to use sexuality to win anything. Third of all: why would anyone want to flirt with that orange peel?

28.“.@ariannahuff is unattractive both inside and out. I fully understand why her former husband left her for a man- he made a good decision.”

If these are the kinds of Twitter fights Trump gets into, can you imagine what he might say when given the chance to confront Vladmir Putin? I can only hope that this conflict happens over Twitter through biting subtweets and mutual unfollows. Side note: a man does not leave his wife for a man when she is ‘unattractive.’ He leaves her when he is gay and does not want to be married to a woman anymore.

29.“You could see there was blood coming out of her eyes. Blood coming out of her… wherever.”

Ah, yes. The age old belief that a woman who is angry must be on her period. Because otherwise women aren’t allowed to have opinions. They’re just supposed to sit there and pretend they don’t have a menstrual cycle and that what they believe in is suddenly amplified by the time of the month.




30.“Look at that face! Would anyone vote for that? Can you imagine that, the face of our next president?”

I feel like the only comment I have to make on this quote is that Donald Trump is not attractive, by human or spray-tanned ear of corn standards.

31.“I’ve said if Ivanka weren’t my daughter, perhaps I’d be dating her.”

Do! Not! Date! Your! Daughter! Why has he been thinking about this? Why would he ever even consider the possibility of dating his own child? Why?

32.“Laziness is a trait in the blacks. … Black guys counting my money! I hate it.”

This would be a politically correct thing to say if we were living in the 1920s. Unfortunately for Donald, none of us are, and stereotyping an entire race of people as lazy is disgusting and despicable. It’s that simple.