Philosophical Musings with Laura

By: Laura Mueller

  • Stop signs. What are they? Do we ever, truly stop? How are we expected to stop in this life of fast-paced consumerism on our silly planet going over 1000 mph through the void of space? And we are asked, nay, commanded by a silly red octagon to stop. How dare these silly little signs tell us what to do. Stop signs, what are they? Evil.
  • Besides applesauce, what’s really the point?
  • People should stop asking How are you? and start asking What are you? We need to be constantly questioned of our genetic makeup. “How are you?” “Fine” is emotionally void. “What are you?” “A conglomeration of atoms into genes into cells into a corporeal form that has evolved after millions of years from amoeba into apes into this, a sulking pile of flesh.” That’s what I am. Much better.
  • We should all drink just a bit more ginger ale than we do now.
  • The conception that aliens have to be humanoid and carbon-based is absurd and annoying. With the extent and unknown of the universe, it’s embarrassing that all of our portrayals of extraterrestrial life are two legged, two armed, two eyed and one mouthed.
  • What if the threshold for going to heaven or hell was a random factor like if you don’t like sour cream. Hell is full of baked potatoes and tacos and the only condiment is sour cream.
  • If the government agencies fought in a WWE style wrestling match, NASA wouldn’t go as far as you would think. Contrarily, the National Parks Service would go much farther.
  • Anagrams are the worst and they are terrible and awful and are not fun in any aspect at all who even cares that you can scramble up a word, I don’t care, you probably don’t care that much what even matters honestly if even words aren’t sacred.