A Complete Blow by Blow Account of the Showdown Between Paula Deen and Vladimir Putin (ACBBASBPDVP)

By Laura Mueller and Rebecca Weinberger

 

paula uses: butter barrage

putin uses: leftover WMD’s from Cold War

paula uses: leftovers

putin uses: racism

paula uses: racism

–  paula and putin strike up a conversation about racism –

–  some time passes –

putin: strikes hungary

paula: is hungry

paula: is hurt

putin: hurts people

paula: hurts people’s blood pressure

putin: economically pressures former USSR countries while spewing blood

paula: juices blood (oranges)

putin: juices the people’s wallets

paula: sells cookbooks to the consumerist masses

putin: sells weapons to the communist masses

kim kardashian: appears

– paula and putin discuss marketing –

kim kardashian: disappears

paula: makes poutine

putin: is offended by the similarities in the name

paula: moves to put in bay

putin: puts in homophobic opinions

paula: puts in homophobic opinions

– paula and putin strike up a conversation about homophobia –

– some time passes –

putin: calls paula “paul”

paula: is defeated

 

end