The Groundbreaking Anti-Social Media Device!

By Carly Wellener

Do you find the never-ending action of social media simply exhausting? Are the stresses of having to make decisions about what to retweet, “like”, or reblog becoming too much for your poor, old heart? Is the pressure of constantly having to inform the world of what you are thinking or doing right now constantly pressing down too hard on you? Have no fear dear reader, now you can forget these troubling issues with a new anti-social media device!

“Well how does this amazing, life-changing, ground-breaking device work?” you ask. “I simply don’t see how I could ever escape the choke hold that my Facebook, Twitter and Tumblr have on me!” you exclaim. “It’s impossible to escape! I have to Snapchat or else TERRIBLE things will happen!” you shout while laughing hysterically, unable to stop “Snapchatting”, your life spiraling out of control and the world crashing down around you.

“Shut up for a minute and let me inform you about this great device that will help you crawl out of this pit of social-media induced despair! Stop your crazy laughter, you are causing a scene!” I demand.

This anti-social media device is quite simple to use and extremely effective. All one must do to use it is remove yourself from your phone, tablet or computer (the most difficult step), then sit alone in a chair (preferably a large comfy one), and then activate your anti-social media device with a flick of the wrist and voila! You will be away from the trying world of social media for several hours and no one will question you in your antisocial endeavors

These devices are available for purchase or for rent at numerous locations around the country, so one of these great devices should be fairly easy for you to obtain. You can ask almost any stranger on any boulevard around town for the nearest anti-social media device retailer and they will, if they are kind and in the right mind, point you in the right direction. From personal experience I recommend you use the device’s street name: a “book.”