10 Reasons Why Freshmen Balcony Seats are Better: A Message to the Class of 2018

By Lane Chesler

After the departure of our beloved seniors, the freshmen in balcony seats have grown depressed. Of course we will miss being belittled in the halls. Of course we tear up at the thought of never having the café tables hogged again by our messy seniors. The real tragedy, however, is the loss of our balcony seats. What the upperclassmen don’t realize is that in the auditorium we have the prime spot. Who wants to sit on the ground when you can chill in the air? Below are the top ten reasons why our seats are better than yours:

 

  1. The obvious: the view. I mean, we can have a head-free view of the stage and can clearly see any and all embarrassing slip-ups. Beat that, sophomores.
  2. We can judge everyone else! Being in the top is the best time to see all those upperclassmen with bad hair days, and we can just know inside that we are (in at least one way) better than them.
  3. Homework. I know I am always behind on some assignments, and the balcony seats are the best to get that last minute English chapter out of the way without being caught!
  4. Bam! *phone drops with an amplified sound* It’s just funny to see everyone crane their heads to try to see which problematic freshman has dropped their precious iPhone.
  5. I really hate having tardies on my report card. Freshmen can sneak in through the back without fear of being assaulted by the sign-in sheet! Our mentors get it, they know us, we were totally here on time.
  6. We have no fear of being trampled. Freshmen are, by default, some of the shorter members of the HB community, but being on a completely different floor from the upperclassmen can allow us to go about our day without a trip to the nurse’s office for a slightly crushed toe.
  7. Sleep! Studies show that the average teenage girl needs 7-9 hours of sleep, but with the school trying to minimize it to 4 hours, every student needs the extra twenty minutes. Being above everyone else just allows us a little leeway to nod off.
  8. Discretion. I don’t know about the rest of my freshmen class, but it is way easier to sneak the phone out for a little text here and there. Especially during some of the more…lengthy meetings.
  9. More discretion. To the freshmen who decide that every day is a dress down day, I wish you good luck with your life. Ms. Day can’t see us from down there, but she will…eventually.
  10. We don’t have to take any crap from the upperclassmen for at least fifteen minutes of the day. Freedom!