By Brady Furlich

Who would have guessed that Ms. Geaghan should really be an astronaut?

I didn’t, for sure. But then again, Mr. Vogel’s spirit animal is a honey badger, so I’m not sure where that puts any of us.

You’re probably a bit confused at this point, but I have two words that will clear this all up: Buzzfeed quizzes.

Yes, these are the popular social media quizzes that occupy us all during class and give us reputations for secretly having the power to explode random things, like Ms. Butcher. So I just had to ask HB’s beloved teachers to take a few and show their students who they really are!

First up is the spirit animal test (take it here). It seems like some of our teachers are pretty similar; Ms. Butcher, Ms. Gordon, and Ms. Geaghan have joined the sloth tribe, and Mr. Vogel, Mr. Hatcher, and Mr. Morse are honey badger buddies. Mr. Parsons, on the other hand, is a hedgehog!

The same goes for their past lives. Ms. Geaghan and Ms. Butcher were both inventors, but that’s where the similarities stop. Mr. Morse and Ms. Gordon used to rock the lives of musicians, whereas Mr. Purpura was shocked to find he was a farmer (as are Mr. Parsons and Mr. Hatcher!), and Mr. Vogel used to spend his days as a humanitarian.

U.S. History students, this quiz is the one for you: which U.S. president are you? We have a bigger variety here, spanning from the pre-Civil War era to today. Mr. Purpura is the one and only Andrew Jackson, and Mr. Morse discovered that he is secretly Obama, though he “was secretly hoping for Truman, but at least it’s not Nixon!” Ms. Geaghan wasn’t as happy with her result: Ronald Reagan, though Mr. Vogel seemed pretty content with being JFK. Ms. Gordon and Mr. Parsons came a little bit earlier in the US History timeline, as they are both secretly Woodrow Wilson.

When it comes down to what our teachers should really be doing, then it gets interesting. Both Ms. Butcher and Ms. Geaghan should be up in space as astronauts (in the description it also listed researcher and teacher), but Mr. Morse didn’t stray too far from his usual as a designer. Neither did Mr. Hatcher, as he found that he should have been a writer, nor did Mr. Parsons, who discovered his true calling is being a professor. Mr. Purpura and Ms. Gordon, on the other hand, apparently should have been athletes, and Mr. Vogel could easily have been a politician. Mr.

Last but not least comes the superpowers! Mr. Morse is convinced that his superpower to eat an infinite amount of pizza is very useful, and Ms. Butcher, Mr. Parsons, and Ms. Gordon have the power to explode random things, so watch out! Still, Ms. Geaghan seemed very excited about her power to melt into a puddle. Mr. Hatcher, on the other hand, has the power to morph into a mighty horse…

Now that you know what your teachers are like, it’s time to discover a bit about yourself. Click on the links throughout the article to figure out whether you are Thomas Jefferson or George Bush (you know you want to).

Thanks again to all the teachers who helped out!

Posted by:hbinretrospect

Reporting not for school, but for life.

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