Biweekly Update w. Fallon Gallagher (2.23)

By Fallon Gallagher

This Sunday marks the close of the 2014 Winter Olympic Games in Sochi. While the games were initially plagued by terror threats and incomplete construction, the International Olympic Committee officially declared the games a success. These past two weeks have produced a whole spectrum of interesting stories ranging from triumph to failure to just plain bizarre. Bloomberg Businessweek reported on an angle that is so classically millennial: “broadband overkill.” Where the 2012 London games failed in their attempts to cover the city with the high speed 4G network, Sochi succeeded. Many of the people in the city have been using this high speed internet frequently– so much so that NBC’s Today spent a whole segment discussing the widespread use of the dating app Tinder in Olympic Village. Meanwhile, Olympians and spectators alike chant, “It’s going down, I’m yelling Tinder. So make your move, go meet your man!”

While every winter sport has been exciting, much of the world’s attention has been focused on ice skating athletics. Many Americans had been looking forward to seeing Gracie Gold skate for Gold prior to the Olympics, but during the actual games, attention shifted from the skaters to the commentators. Former figure skaters Tara Lipinski and Johnny Weir commentated the games for NBC sporting a different and increasingly fabulous outfit each night. Maybe they thought the Olympics were actually the Hunger Games because their looks had a rather uncanny resemblance to Caesar Flickerman and Claudius Templesmith. Meryl Davis and Charlie White beat the Canadian team of Tessa Virtue and Scott Moir in ice dancing. Meanwhile Marina Zoueva, coach of both teams, awkwardly floats between a raging party and pity party.  The United States beat the Russian men’s hockey team in an overtime shootout in order to advance to the semifinals against Russia. Russians everywhere were devastated, but none as much as Putin, who most likely cried and mandated, “no food for their families.” But don’t fret, Vlad, because the final medal count put Russia in the lead with 33 medals to America’s 28.

This past week Joaquín Guzmán Loera, the leader of one of Mexico’s largest drug cartels, was finally caught in Mexico City. He is referred to by his amigos as “El Chapo” which translates to “Shorty”—finally the identity of every rap song’s protagonist has been revealed. El Chapo was arrested nearly thirteen years ago for his involvement in the multibillion dollar cocaine and marijuana cartel, but escaped from prison in a laundry cart and has been one step ahead of authorities ever since. This all changed when he was found in a Mexico City resort this week. While raging in Mazatlán, Joaquín was arrested.

The local Cincinnati news station WKRC made national headlines this week after its traffic reporter jammed out to his own winter weather rendition of Frozen’s “Let It Go.” “I must share what dispatchers say, all the traction’s gone. School’s closed or at least they’re on delay,” Herzog sings in his latest hit “Just Don’t Go.” His song rocks, but is it as good as WKYC Cleveland’s Robin Swoboda’s rap rendition of “Ice Ice Baby” performed from behind the ice desk during the polar vortex?

For Biweekly Update, I’m Fallon Gallagher.